This is just something i had written a few months back…..
I had never given much thought to how small incidents can have such grand effect on our personal struggle for the deen, until recently when I was informed that perfume might be impermissible because of its alcohol content.
Of course not wanting to do something that may displease Allah (SWT) I put all my scents aside until I could either verify their impermissibility and discard the bottles, or return to wearing them to my female gatherings. In the meantime I went to a perfume shop and decided on purchasing an alcohol free scent. On confirming the contents with a sales associate I bought one bottle for my use.
I was struggling to become closer to Allah (SWT) as many Muslims do, and this decision brought me one step closer to my goal. I had done something solely to please my Lord, and I was thankful that he gave me such an easy opportunity, that he blessed me to choose him over something materialistic from this world. Even though this was a petty change in my life I was so thrilled knowing that Allah (SWT) may reward me for it, and that my angel had written down one more good deed, which might be the one to save me from the hellfire.
Sadly though the next morning I was put in a predicament. One of my close friends called me telling me about how she went to an event where her shaykh had given a lecture, and in the question and answer session he had explained why perfume containing alcohol is permissible in the hanafi madhab. I had told her I don’t have to worry for now because of the alcohol free perfume I had just purchased, but I would feel more comfortable if I spoke to a scholar directly and have them clarify it to me because I wasn’t fully understanding her explanation. So after completing my phone call with her I went to get ready and was about to spray myself with my new perfume when I noticed a small sticker coming off the bottom of the bottle, peeling it off I realized the ingredients were written below it. Reading them I was shocked, there were two forms of alcohol in it! I didn’t know what to do. My first thought was to return it, but then I remembered the conversation I just had.
I had given into my nafs. I knew I should have waited, but I let shaytaan tempt me. I thought about how much it costs, what if the store wouldn’t take it back, I would have to travel so far, how good the smell was, and that my friend had just given me a verification of a shaykh I trusted. Before I even knew it I had sprayed myself. That was a bad move because as soon as I did my guilt took over. The sales associate had cheated me, and I had cheated Allah (SWT). I couldn’t stop thinking about how I just let my rewards go down the trash chute. Even if perfume with alcohol is permissible, in my mind it was still unconfirmed. I was at least previously being rewarded for my intentions, and now I even threw that out the window. I could picture my angel scratching out the rewards I might have earned from my list of good deeds. I had been doing so well with my deen, improving day by day, removing my major sins from my life, yet I failed at such a minor test. I had chosen myself over Allah (SWT) this time. It made me wonder who is my true beloved? Do I love Allah (SWT) as I claim to, or do I love myself more?
Most of us Muslims struggle with our deen, all at different levels, yet these insignificant issues should not be ignored because if they start becoming what give us such a tough time, what will we do when Allah (SWT) decides on giving us a harder test? Will we able to pass those when we cant even master such material issues.
How can we become beloveds’ of Allah (SWT) if we can’t even love him as he deserves to be loved? The Prophet (PBUH) stated in a hadith that Allah (SWT) says, “If you come to me in the length of a hand span, I will come to you in the length of an arm, and if you come to me in the length of an arm, I will come to you in the length of a meter, and if u come to me walking, I will come to you running, and Allah (SWT) is most high, and most glorious.” We just have to make a small effort and Allah (SWT) will do most of the work, we just need to show him that we want to be close to him, we want to always please him and give him priority, and he will give us the opportunities to do so. Unfortunately though sometimes we get so caught up in this world that we need to take a breather and just reflect on our spiritual condition, and see where we are starting to fall short:
- Are our actions in sync with our words?
- Do we try to do everything for the sake of Allah (SWT)?
- Will we even come close to passing if Allah (SWT) tests us as he tested the Prophet (PBUH) and his companions?
